How common is sexual assault? It’s so common that 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men have been the victim of either an attempted or completed rape.
One reason for those statistics is the fact that, in general, American society isn’t very good at discussing consent.
Why is consent important? Look at those rape statistics again. Consent is the best way to make sure both parties involved are enjoying themselves and are OK with what’s happening.
It’s the moral thing to do, and it’s also a way to prevent getting charged with a sex crime down the line. It’s dangerous to flat out assume that you have someone’s consent.
Read on to learn more about how to define consent, as well as why it matters.
Confusion About the Rules
The rules are not that complicated. You may hear people complain that they are, but that’s because they haven’t taken the time to sit down and try to understand them.
Men can still pursue women, and women can still pursue men. People of the same sex can pursue each other.
That hasn’t changed, even if the way we talk about how that pursuit should unfold may be different now than it was a decade or two ago.
Why Is Consent Important? Bodily Autonomy
At its core, consent is about the idea that a person’s body is theirs and theirs alone. No one else can tell them what to do with it.
If someone asks you to run a marathon, you have a right to say no. If someone asks you to drink a kale smoothie, you have a right to say no.
Those may seem like ridiculous examples, but they’re important because we as humans have the right to say no to something even if it’s supposed to be good for us. If we don’t want to do something, then we shouldn’t have to do it.
If someone coerces us or threatens us or forces us into doing it anyway, then that person is opening themselves up to being charged with a sex crime.
Legal Definitions
The consent legal definition varies depending on location. But you shouldn’t have to look up the legal definition of sexual assault in your location before every sexual encounter.
Instead, remember phrases that are common when trying to define consenting. Those phrases include things like “voluntary agreement” and “clear and unambiguous agreement.”
States like Texas also allow someone to be charged if there’s “unwanted sexual contact” that stops short of penetration. A rapist doesn’t necessarily have to use force, either; a lack of consent on the other party’s part is enough in many cases.
That means that if there’s any doubt about whether or not the other person is into it, the sexual activity should stop. It can resume if the other person indicates a clear willingness to continue, but otherwise, it’s better for things to stop right there.
If you planned on having sex and didn’t, then yeah, that can be disappointing. But it’s better to not have sex than to have it and risk traumatizing someone else because you were too caught up in the moment to care.
It’s also much better to not have sex than to risk getting charged with a sex crime.
Rape and Consent Myths
In recent years, politicians and other public figures have gotten in hot water for saying things like “You can’t rape your wife.”
The thing is, a few decades ago they would have been correct legally, if not morally.
In 1976, Nebraska became the first state to abolish marital rape. By the early 1990s, every state had banned it, although many states still make it harder for a wife to accuse her husband of violating her than they would if she was attacked by any other man.
For too long, there was a belief that once a woman and a man are married, the man has unlimited access to her body at any time. But that’s not how things work.
A person can say yes to sex 100 times and still say no the 101st time.
Sex can even be revoked in the middle of the act. That may be more awkward, but any party has a right to say that they’re not comfortable continuing.
Similarly, permission to kiss and make out doesn’t automatically mean permission to perform every other sex act.
How to Ask for Consent
The best way to get consent in sexual situations is simply to ask.
That doesn’t mean there’s a need to get out a dictionary and read your partner the legal definition of sexual intercourse, or oral sex, or whatever act you want to perform. A moment of hesitation and “Do you mind if I touch you?” or “Is this OK?” is enough in most cases.
If the other person says no, accept that without badgering them into changing their mind.
Clear communication is the best way to ensure that everyone has a good time and no one gets hurt. It often enhances the moment rather than ruining it.
The Numbers Behind False Accusations
Some men worry that, if a relationship goes south, a woman can “cry rape” to police and ruin her now ex-boyfriend’s life. That’s a scary thought, but it also plays into a harmful cultural trope that women are liars who can’t be trusted.
In fact, there’s evidence that police tend to treat false rape accusations as much more common than they are in reality. That can end up being a self-perpetuating myth, as the actual rate of false accusations is widely believed to be between 2 and 8 percent. The largest study available was conducted in Great Britain, and it found a false accusation rate of 2.5 percent.
Evidence indicates that women who do lie about being raped don’t typically do it for “revenge,” but rather because they need an alibi.
Protecting Yourself
It’s possible to feel like you did everything right and still get charged with sexual assault. Being able to confidently answer the question”Why is consent important?” offers you some protection, but the unlikely can still happen.
If it does happen, you should decline to talk to police. Don’t lie to them, but do tell them you won’t be answering questions without talking to a lawyer first.
The burden of proof still lies on the prosecution to prove that rape happened. It’s not the job of the defendant to prove it didn’t.
If you feel you’ve been falsely accused, contact our law office and ask about a free initial consultation.
